“I feel the need… the need for speed.” While it may be satisfying to channel your inner Maverick, the time to do it is not when you’re explaining why you were caught exceeding the posted speed limit on a BLS interfacility transfer.
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” I know we’ve all had that supervisor whose interpersonal skills were on a par with Vizzini’s, but when they keep using the word “accountability,” perhaps this is not the way to point out that it only seems to apply to everyone but him.
“You use your tongue purtier than a twenty-dollar whore.” While it violates my deeply held belief that there is no inappropriate time for a Blazing Saddles quote, saying it right after a managerial pep talk liberally salted with meaningless corporate buzzwords like “synergy” and “interoperability” would not be well-received… even if his mind actually is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
“Rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.” I so want to use this quote every time I get gigged for scene time compliance. I may use it yet.
And when I do, would you mind me using y’all as references on my next employment application?
“He’s pinin’ for the fjords, he is.” When triaging patients at an MCI, it’s probably not appropriate to refer to your black-tagged patients this way. Unless, of course, your patient actually is a dead parrot. Then it’s awesome.
“I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.” As tempting as it might be to indulge your inner Cisco Kid, it probably wouldn’t do to answer this way when asked in a job interview to name your greatest weakness as a medic.
“Cry ‘Havoc!’, and let slip the dogs of war!” Shakespeare probably doesn’t set the right tone for a friendly Dispatchers vs Ambulance Crews flag football game during EMS Week, so… no, wait. On second thought, that sets the tone perfectly. Use that one with my blessing.
“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.” You probably shouldn’t espouse this Mark Twain quote as your personal philosophy when you’re defending yourself against a charge of insubordination.
“It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do… go through his clothes and look for loose change.” We’ve all been called to that drunken party where someone called an ambulance for a cardiac arrest that turned out to be only drunk. And aside from pointing out that the victim constantly pushing the chest compressor’s hands away is a reliable sign of life, it’s best not to use this Miracle Max quote, no matter how tempting. Because as quick as you can say “designated driver,” there will be someone at the party who is sober, and they’re going to get all pissy about your perceived lack of professionalism.
“To crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.” When asked to express your plans for professional growth on your next performance evaluation, it’s probably not appropriate to quote Conan the Barbarian.