Obama picks Maxwell Smart as Secretary of Defense and Gender Equality


danmillerinpanama

Immediately upon hearing of Secretary Hagel’s decision to resign, President Obama began His search for the best available replacement. Today, He announced His eagerly awaited choice for a successor.

I have personal problems. I have too many personal problems.

Statement of President Obama:

My fellow Americans, as you are well aware, I pledged soon after taking office in 2009 that My administration would be the most transparent ever. In keeping with My solemn vow, I want to tell you this evening about My most important actions over the past few days, and how I decided to take them, to make our already exceptional national security even better.

A few days ago, My very close personal friend and scapegoat Republican colleague, Huck Bagel, informed Me that personal problems compelled him to resign as My Secretary of Defense and Gender Equality. There is, of course, no truth to any of the scurrilous lies that I forced him to resign. Contrary to the unfounded assertions of racist media sources, that’s not the way My administration works. Indeed…

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