1) 100% free healthcare including liposuction, Viagra, and breast implants.*
2) College degrees will be issued without the requirement of attending college.
3) All existing debts will be cancelled; nobody owes anything to anybody.
4) Unemployment benefits will be permanent and twice the minimum wage.
5) All cars will get 100 miles per gallon and their exhaust will be pure oxygen with a “fresh pine” scent.
6) Everything served in a restaurant will always be on a 99¢ value menu.
7) Fitness guidelines will be revised so that every American meets the federal definition of “hot.”
8) 50 bonus points will be added to the IQ score of every minority American.
9) There will be no more taxes of any kind except on the Evil Rich.
10) Everyone will go to Heaven or the deity of your choice.
* includes all those in The Country illegally