RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE….


RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”.
Can’t you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, “And May God Bless” with a big smile on his face.
May be an image of 1 person and text that says '1913 1997 Red Skelton'
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3 thoughts on “RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE….

  1. Glenda T. Goode May 15, 2021 / 11:04 am

    Back from a time where it was ok to ‘stereotype’ and refer to roles in life with presumed notions.

    One of the assumptions over all of comedy like this was ‘You don’t have to listen’.

    Funny how the most liberating notion of choosing not to listen has been discarded.

    Perhaps the real motive is to find something to be offended by so you can control the source.

  2. A. L. Luttrell May 30, 2021 / 8:10 am

    I loved watching Red! He was a comical genius, actual his serious moments were outstanding as well, like when he recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Loved his clown paintings too! You are right, profanity was not part of his vocabulary, and his humor greater than those that can’t speak without it. He once told Johnny Carson, Eddie Murphy would be an even greater comic without the dirty mouth. Bring back the good ole days!

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