Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.“
There is a very fine line between ”hobby” and “mental illness.”
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. Never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp on them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
15 Things It Took Me 60 Years To Learn
Rules?? What Are rules? I don't need no stinking rules!!!